"The Polygamist" on Netflix Reminded Me Of My Own Jonasi (Part 1)
Today I want to tell this story to finally get it off my chest or as we Kenyans like to say, niseme initoke!
Watching The Polygamist on Netflix brought back memories I thought I had archived permanently.
Before I begin, the moral of today's story is this... Defending a man who moves like Jonasi is a very risky investment, it is a high risk, low return venture and the profits are embarrassment, confusion, character development and the sudden urge to deactivate your social media accounts.
One day you are fighting a baby mama or ex wife on the internet on behalf of your Jonasi, the next day you are discovering plot twists you never signed up for.
One of the things the Netflix series reminded me of is that sometimes the biggest problem is not even the Jonasi in the story, sometimes it is the people around him who enable the behavior, excuse it, defend it and help him avoid accountability while innocent people, especially children, pay the price.
Ladies if a man has a baby mama or an ex wife with a kid/kids and you are the new girlfriend, fiancée or wife... STAY OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS.
The less involved you get, the more you maintain your dignity, intelligence, respect and even peace of mind, trust me, ni mi nakushow.
You do not get a trophy or a medal for fighting battles that were never yours to begin with.
Watching The Polygamist triggered me more than I expected, because Jonasi reminded me of my baby daddy, better known as Gubaby Daddy.
He was not as rich as Jonasi and unfortunately, when I met him, I had pure intentions, I genuinely thought we were in love, he wasn't handing out gifts to me, no grand promises, no funding of my lifestyle, but he moved with the same confidence, manipulation and ability to keep multiple stories running at the same time, just like Jonasi, the similarities they have are impossible to ignore.
My prefrontal cortex was still under construction when I met him, I was 19, so I believed words over patterns and potential over reality, yani, my ability to identify nonsense was not yet operating at full capacity.
Fortunately, I met him when I was young and left him while I was still young. Looking back, I can honestly say he was one of the greatest lessons of my life. Expensive emotionally? Yes, Valuable? Totally. These days, the men who try the same tricks he tried on me never succeed. Once you graduate from the "University of Jonasi" the syllabus becomes easy to spot.
While watching the show I remembered a woman who went out of her way to defend Gubaby Daddy when I spoke publicly about my experience with him in order to warn and protect other women.
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She defended him with the passion of someone who was receiving a monthly salary for it. At one point, she even questioned whether my child was his.
The funny part is that Francis Chacha Mwita, aka Gubabby Daddy, aka Jonasi 2.0 himself was given the opportunity to take a DNA test when our child was 2 years old but refused. He insisted there was no need for a DNA test because according to him the child was his exact photocopy.
My mother was present during that conversation and even agreed with him, she said that the only feature the child seemed to have inherited from me was the nose, while the rest of the resemblance was clearly from the father.
I was a virgin before I got pregnant, so biologically there are only two possibilities, either the child belongs to Francis Chacha Mwita or I had a biblical experience and gave birth like Mary of Nazareth.
What made the situation even stranger was that this same woman had contacted me back in 2024 with a fake number which I still have as evidence, she introduced herself with a fake name and told me she is Gubaby Daddy's new wife and asked whether I was still in a relationship with him. I told her very clearly that I don't date married men, I don't date men in relationships and if a man has chosen someone else I genuinely wish both of them the very best.
She also knew very well that my child was his because when she reached out to me in 2024, she asked whether she could send me a little money to help with the child's needs after talking to me for almost an hour and realising I am not "a bad person." I declined and told her it is not her responsibility to send me money, also because she mentioned she had two children from a previous marriage and a third child by a deadbeat Nigerian man. I told her to use that money on her children instead.
I was raised to believe that a woman cannot create fatherhood responsibilities on behalf of a man.
You can imagine my surprise when she later appeared publicly acting as though there was some mystery to solve.
Why would a woman spend more energy attacking another woman and a young child than to hold a grown man accountable for his own actions?... I couldn't understand.
If your husband or boyfriend has children from a previous relationship, your issue should not be the child or the mother of the child, especially if they never personally offended you.
I have never personally offended this woman. We were never rivals. We were never competing for anything. I knew of her existence after she called me using a fake number and introduced herself with a fake name... Yet she seemed determined to direct frustration toward me and my child rather than towards the person at the center of it all.
And yes, I will openly admit that there were times I crashed out and sent my baby daddy angry messages. His own mother knows this because I had told her myself as we tried to find an amicable way to co-parent.
Those angry messages never came out of nowhere, they usually came after promises were made and broken, especially when it came to supporting his child and paying school fees. I am not a crazy woman who wakes up and decides to disrespect someone for no reason and I am sure only the messages that painted me in a bad light were shared, not the reasons behind them.
I have come to terms with the sad fact that instead of encouraging accountability, some people become enablers of deadbeat behavior. They help create excuses, they help hide responsibilities and then become angry when those responsibilities refuse to disappear.
This woman told me on call that Gubabby Daddy was no longer working (they were business partners) she told me that he quit and there she was again in the comments, encouraging me to go pursue child support through the courts.
From my perspective, her two messages did not align, because when there is confusion about a father's employment situation, it is often the child who suffers the most. Getting consistent support for the child would be very difficult and she knew it.
To be fair, one thing that was not true in her comments was the suggestion that he never contributed at all. Gubaby Daddy did send me money from time to time, especially towards school fees. The problem was that it often felt like financial breadcrumbing, in 2024 for example, he sent only 3,200 shillings as contribution to his child's yearly school fees.
Small contributions are still contributions but they did not remove the bigger responsibility.
Sometimes I joked that if it were up to his new wife, she would probably have preferred that he not send even a single shilling towards his child's wellbeing.
Later, during another conversation, she casually revealed that indeed there were even more children involved. Meanwhile, I had spent years believing Gubaby Daddy aka Jonasi 2.0 had only two children, my daughter being the older one and her half sister being younger by a few months, yes I came to learn Gubaby Daddy got me and another lady pregnant around the same time.
In the screenshot below she discussed two other women and their children, I have blurred those parts out, out of respect for them and their privacy.
Eventually, after more information came to light and Gubaby Daddy accepting that he is the father of our child, this woman disappeared from TikTok, the platform where she wrote the comments I have shared. Whether she deleted or deactivated her account, I don't know, what I do know is that I kept every receipt.
I reached out to her later, after she wrote false information about me and my child on TikTok because I understand how easily some women can be misled when hearing only one side of a story from a romantic partner.
I approach this situation with understanding and goodwill.
However, over time, I came to feel that she held a lot of resentment toward me, despite us never having had a personal conflict and to this day, she has never apologized for spreading false information about me and my child and she and her minions still seem to stalk my social media content to keep up with everything I do.
Women, women , women... Nimewaita mara ngapi?... Stop volunteering for the position of unpaid public relations manager for grown men.
If a man has responsibilities, let him answer for them himself.
Anyway, as much as The Polygamist unlocked memories I had archived, the difference is that I watched it from a place of peace, wisdom, healing and a fully developed prefrontal cortex.
Have you watched it? What was your biggest takeaway from the series? I would love to hear your thoughts because everyone seems to have walked away with a different lesson.
